4 Small Parenting Shifts That Can Help Kids With Atopic Dermatitis Feel More Confident

Raising a kid is a series of crash courses — from clipping teeny-tiny fingernails to defusing tantrums, you name it. And when your little one has eczema, it can feel like taking a class in which you’re (somehow) both the student and the teacher.

When my older daughter first started showing signs of eczema as an infant in the form of itchy, rashy skin, I didn’t think it was that big a deal, mostly because no one in my family had it. But now that I’m three years in, I’ve learned that helping manage my daughter’s eczema isn’t just a matter of slathering on lotion and calling it a day. There’s a lot more that goes into keeping her skin healthy on a daily basis, and into making sure she feels comfortable and capable no matter what.

​Tricky? Sure. But it’s worth the extra effort. “Managing eczema with your child rather than simply managing it for your child is the key,” says John Browning, M.D., a double board-certified pediatric dermatologist in San Antonio, Texas. “The earlier we can help children take ownership of their skin, the more likely they are to develop good habits that translate into better control over the long term.” With that in mind, here are the parenting tweaks that can help.

​Take their complaints seriously.

When my daughter tells me an area on her body is itchy, I have a process: We go a little slower after bath time so she can point out all the spots where she’s itchy. I’ll also ask her if her skin is bothering her if I notice her scratching her neck or back during the day. That way, she knows that discomfort is not (and shouldn’t be!) the norm.

​Joceyln Gandelman, M.D., a board-certified dermatologist in New York, does the same, encouraging her daughter “to show me areas that itch and have eczema and help identify which areas need cream,” she says. If it doesn’t seem like the area actually needs a medicated cream, “then I put Vaseline on instead — and I gently let her know that one looks okay, but will get Vaseline,” she says. That way, her daughter can learn to tell eczema from healthy skin.

​Let them pitch in.

My daughter has been dealing with mild to moderate eczema since she was about six months old, so she’s used to our post-bath moisturizing routine. As she’s gotten older, though, she’s wanted to do the latter on her own — so I give her a dab of moisturizer to apply herself. I do it because she asked, but it turns out, it’s actually a good thing: Having kids help can build a link between their eczema routine and comfortable skin. “I like to help children understand the connection between using their treatment and how their skin looks and feels,” says Browning. “Over time, the goal is for the child to take pride in caring for their skin.”

​And Gandelman, for her part, empowers her daughter by teaching her the names of all of her eczema creams. She also ties the medications into learning the alphabet, making it feel more fun and even educational.

If your kid’s resistant, frame it as a “this or that” situation. “For example, a parent can choose two good moisturizers and let the child decide which one they prefer,” says Browning. He also recommends asking whether they want to apply a topical medication in the morning or at night, or if they want you or them to apply it. “This gives children a sense of control without making treatment optional,” he explains.

​Make a game plan for flares.

For the most part, moisturizer is all we need to keep my daughter’s eczema under control. But when she does have a flare — usually after swimming or in dry weather — we have a plan to step it up: Right after her bath, I apply her topical medication first, then lock it in with a lotion, then follow up in the morning with more moisturizer.

​“Some children do experience unpredictable flares from heat, sweat, or environmental exposure,” says Browning, who stresses that eczema shouldn’t keep kids from doing things they like, like playing outside. “In those situations, having a plan — such as showering or bathing after an activity or using an appropriate moisturizer to help with itching — can give them the confidence to keep doing the things they enjoy.”

Know your own limits.

Most parents know atopic dermatitis can be an at-home game, from applying moisturizer after a (not too hot) bath to using a mineral-based sunscreen that won’t potentially trigger a flare. But if I’ve been moisturizing the same area for several days with no improvement, then I’m calling in the doctor. There’s only so much I can do as her parent — who is, notably, not a doctor — so I need to be cognizant when something isn’t working and ask for help.

I want my daughter to be able to decide when she needs to call in a pro, too. So, “if they don't like their current treatment, they should talk with their dermatologist rather than simply stopping treatment,” says Browning. “We now have many effective treatment options.” There’s no reason for me to double down on something that isn’t working when I could get my daughter comfortable more quickly instead. After all, it’s her skin — and I want her to feel good in it.

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