How To Tell When Your Kid Genuinely Needs A Mental Health Day Off From School

School is back in full swing, which means long days, homework, tests, projects, extracurriculars, and more, with limited time for rest. As adults, we all understand the feeling of wanting to crash onto the couch Friday after work and not leave a horizontal position until Sunday evening. But what about our kids? How can we tell when they are a normal amount of “I don’t want to get out of bed” versus a concerning amount? These are the signs your kid needs a mental health day off from school, according to a pediatrician.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), one in six children aged 6 to 17 experience a mental health disorder every year. At-risk youth have an even higher risk. But the organization also points out that “some students may not necessarily have a mental health condition but are having a challenging day or week where their mental health is suffering. For all these students, there are times when their mental health can interfere with school performance or overall functioning.”

So, as their parents, how can we tell when they need a day to rest and recharge?

Signs Your Kid Needs A Mental Health Day

The No. 1 sign your child is overwhelmed and struggling is a noticeable change in their baseline, says board-certified pediatrician Dr. Brittany Odom. All kids are unique and parents know their children best, so ask yourself: Is their behavior noticeably different? What about their appetite and sleep habits? Has their personality shifted in a big way?

“For younger children, they often show us before they tell us just because they’re not able to articulate how they’re feeling, so looking at their behaviors will be the biggest sign,” says Odom. “For younger kids, we’re looking at clinginess, frequent meltdowns, regression, stomachaches, headaches, or disrupted sleep — maybe they’re waking up in the middle of the night where they used to sleep great through the night.”

In elementary school-aged kids, Odom says irritability, tearfulness, stomachaches, and headaches are the most common signs of distress parents may notice. “If they’re having repeated visits to the nurse’s office for these kinds of random symptoms, that can be a sign as well.”

Odom says teenagers are a “different breed” (amen), and overwhelm for them can look much different than it does in younger kids.

“We are looking at things like withdrawal, whether they’re sleeping less than they used to or a little bit too much, appetite changes, failing grades, and just overall mood changes. If they don’t have any interest in things they used to anymore, hopelessness, or they’ve increased risk-taking behaviors that they didn’t used to do, all those can be a sign that something’s off and we may need to consider doing a little reset for a day.”

Can kids miss school for mental health days?

Twelve states have actually enacted legislation allowing students to take mental health days and requiring schools to excuse those absences, policies which are supported by NAMI. Eight more states have similar bills in the works. Check your school district’s attendance policy to see if your state or district has any verbiage around this option. For example, in Connecticut, students can take two mental wellness days per year as long as they are not consecutive, according to VeryWell. They can miss a day in Nevada, but it requires a note from a mental health professional, like a counselor, to be excused.

Even if you don’t live in a state with laws on the books about mental health days, contact your child’s school and health care providers directly if you have concerns. You may be able to provide a note from your child’s therapist or pediatrician to have a mental health day excused.

If your child can’t miss a day, there may be other ways to help them recharge. “Would they benefit from a late arrival or even a half day instead? Sometimes we don’t need an entire day off from school. Also, if there’s a school counselor that they could meet with to talk through some of the things that are troubling them instead of taking the day off, or maybe skipping an extracurricular activity instead of missing school,” Odom says.

You could also move their bedtime up, even temporarily, says Odom.

“Is prioritizing sleep something we can focus on instead of having to stay home? A lot of kids will get thrown off with their mood, with their ability to pay attention, all of that with decreased sleep. Sometimes it’s just a smaller change that may do the trick instead of staying home a whole day.”

What should your kid’s mental health day look like?

Should we worry about screen time limits? Should we encourage them to go outside and be active? Should we just let them park it on the sofa and completely veg out?

“Ultimately, we want that day to focus on rest rather than making it a fun vacation day off,” Odom says. “The last thing we want is them scrolling on social media for eight hours, playing video games, and then staying up too late.”

If they’re sleep-deprived, prioritize sleeping in, rest, and naps, she recommends. Focus on “eating regular meals, getting some fresh air, anything that’s a quiet, relaxing activity of some sort, and then having a conversation with them too about being intentional about that time off and making sure we’re getting out of it what we need to get out of it.”

When is it time to scale back your child’s schedule?

Especially as our kids get older, they take more and more classes and get involved in more and more activities. How can you tell if one day off will help them recharge, or if their schedule may have become too much to bear?

For starters, pay attention to the calendar and when those off behaviors occur, Odom says. If headaches hit Sunday night, the stress is likely related to school. Your child can’t sleep on Friday nights before a practice or game on Saturdays, well, maybe the overwhelm is coming from there.

If you have a child who genuinely likes school and deeply enjoys their hobbies, getting them to cut back might actually be really difficult. This is when having a conversation with your child about mental health and balance matters, Odom says.

“‘I’ve noticed that you are just very irritable or you seem like you’re a little bit stressed out. Is that something that you’re feeling?’ And if the kids are able to articulate that and say, ‘You know what? Yes, I am feeling that,’ then maybe ask them, ‘What are some things you think we can do to try and help that?’ You’re not trying to necessarily put the idea in their head, but just trying to guide them towards, maybe we need a little bit of rest, and that may look different for every kid.”

Involving your child in decision-making around their schedules is crucial, says Odom, because sports and extracurriculars may be providing them more support than we as parents realize.

“There are some kids who, taking them out of their football practice or gymnastics, that may just be the worst possible thing we can do, because maybe that does ultimately provide them quite a bit of stress relief, getting out there and being active,” she says. “Maybe it’s just reorganizing your time during the day. Maybe it’s dropping something else that may be less important to them, but definitely involve them. The last thing we want to do is create more stress by imposing what we think would be right when ultimately it may not be the answer for them.”

If your child asks to stay home repeatedly, that’s a telltale sign they have ongoing distress, Odom says. You should work with a mental health professional and your child’s pediatrician any time you notice big changes in their appetite, sleep, or daily functioning, if you suspect bullying or learning disorders, and if you see any signs of self-harm.

For more information about how to support your child’s mental health at school and what accommodations may be available to them, visit NAMI.